Another sleepless night. Another night of tossing and turning, desperately trying to find a comfortable position. Everything hurts. All the way from my toes to my head. Even my skin hurts.
The wrinkles from my bed sheets hurt me when I lay on them. My skin feels bruised. The pillows on my bed aren't strong enough to support my joints.
My body won't regulate temperature. I get cold so I turn my heated blanket on. My feet are like ice. I change into sweats. Then I get too hot. I change into shorts. Now my body is cold again.
I continue to toss around hoping I will find relief. I keep telling to myself "It's just a bad night". Ive said this to myself three nights in a row. "Its just a bad night, tomorrow will be better".
I wake up. Everything hurts. I move. Everything pops and shifts. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, yelling at myself "You have to stand up". "Get up". I stand up. I stay there, waiting for my vision to come back as my heart regulates the change of position. Im tired. I hurt. I want to go back to bed. "It's just a bad day".
I spend my day wishing I was in bed. Wishing I wasn't using all of my energy pretending to be okay. Wishing for a day where I wake up and am excited for the day ahead of me.
I get home after a long day and prepare myself for another long night.
This is my everyday when I have a flare up.
